mom-ing

 vivian cried when the kids left for school.  she loves them so much.

it was sad.  

but...

it melts my heart to see her excitement when they get home--she will she say, "MAX!  yay!" and throw her arms up in the air...then wave her little fingers for him to follow her, while she asks, "play cars?!"  they always spend a minute with her and make her feel like she is 

the best thing they've seen all day.   

i love watching my kids.
last night i went to a four hour meeting. 

 i knew i wouldn't get to snuggle up with vivian in the rocker and read her favorite books and sing our own made up rendition of, "the dads on the bus"  which she thinks is soooo fun, followed by laying her gently her in crib as i tell her to get some good rest.  she always replies, "ok, mom" in her cutest little voice.  i always check to make sure her special blanket is covering her feet and warmly around her body and for some reason, always make sure it is touching her cheek with hopes she feels peaceful and secure.  i then head over to max's bed and read a few chapters of our latest book to both him and kai.  we just finished 'because of winn dixie'.  dave teased me because he just happened to walk in while i was reading and crying!  if you have read the book, you probably cried too, although max said he didn't cry, his throat just hurt:)  we always end with a song before i tuck them in.   max likes me to sing songs he has never heard before and prefers if they are made up.   i check on abe and probably end up turning off fifteen lights on the way.  he is usually exhausted and once his head hits the pillow, he is out...with his lights on:)  then sadie and i stay up talking and laughing about her life.  i missed it all last night, and it made me feel grateful i get to "mom".  

 don't get me wrong, some days are pretty challenging, and sometimes i lay down at night exhausted.  i never finish my to do list and am always behind.  but, it is the best thing i have ever done.  i love the phase we are in.  i tell dave sometimes, this is the way our family should always be.  i want to freeze time.  but then i realize, every phase has brought more.  

just more.  more to learn.  more joy.  more faith.  

so, i can look forward with excitement even though i really love the stage we are in. 

i sat in the meeting last night, and kept getting texts from sadie.  i left her in charge of feeding everyone and abe in charge of getting everyone to bed.  abe refused to leave vivian crying, so he read to her, then put her in her crib and climbed in with her.  she said she wanted more books so he read a few more to her then took her downstairs and they ate chocolate:)  finally, he layed her down.

when i got home everyone was asleep except sadie.  she was working hard to finish homework and then she was off to bed so she could be up and at driver's ed by 6am.

i lay in bed and talked to dave on the phone a little bit about the day.  it was late and it was a quick conversation because he had work to do, but i love hearing dave's voice at the end of the day.  it's like the warm blanket on vivs face that makes her feel peaceful and secure.

i'm grateful he works hard at his role and we help each other.

anyway,  i felt a little guilty leaving last night, but came home feeling more grateful to be a mom and happy to see my kids take care of each other.
that is a treat!

Mothers, cherish that role that is so uniquely yours and for which heaven itself sends angels to watch over you and your little ones. Yours is the work of salvation, and therefore you will be magnified, compensated, made more than you are, better than you are, and better than you have ever been.

--Jeffrey R. Holland

 inspiration here