headshots

I finally made myself take a few headshots. 

 I need them for a few coaching things and I have been avoiding it.

 I struggle with photos since I had bells palsy 

so this was a win for me- and a reminder

 I am so grateful I can smile.  

 

little myndie

 This was me when I was four, maybe five years old. 

I believe I had bells palsy, but had no idea. 

I have heard I had spinal meningitis and was in the hospital and that's why I could't smile, and I have heard I had ear infections which caused me to have nerve damage.

 I don't know and neither does anyone else. 

(don't get me wrong, I had great parents and everyone was doing their best and I have a lot of understanding of that as a parent)

Maybe this is where my sad but deep belief formed and burrowed 

in my heart and mind that I'm not worth noticing.  

I knew I couldn't smile and I remember two times getting my picture taken and someone saying to the photographer, "she can't smile." nothing else. That was it.

I imagine that must have been confusing, and hard. 

I kinda want to scoop this little girl up and hold her and tell her it's ok. 

That she is ok. 

And even though you think you are flawed 

and everyone else knows/does/is better,

 it's not true.  

that's a really sad conclusion your brain made up.  

You have a virus on your nerve and you are still completely worthy, 

and just tell her she's safe and love on her 

and let her know that her eyes can still smile 

and that is a strong, beautiful and brave thing.

then I would help her think of five things to make her eyes smile.

I think they would have been:

bubble gum

the dress I'm was wearing that I picked out at Kmart

eating oranges with my dad

playing matchbox cars with my brother

and collections. I loved collections

oh, and selling rocks in an ice cream bucket at my brothers basketball games.

and roller skating.

ok seven things. 

because I am the seventh child and seven is a very lucky number.

don't come alone

My sacrament meeting bench had 7 kids on it and it was my favorite. 

It seriously made my heart happy to have these people with me

(and kai who is 17 and still a kid)

They were all helping each other and actually pretty quiet.

I gave kai a hand massage, which is what I do every Sunday to whoever wants one... 

I hope he will feel positive vibes and it will translate into loving sacrament meeting:) 

 I have been especially grateful for the sacrament and covenants lately.

 This sacrament in particular reminded me of this talk, maybe that's why I loved it.

https://www.churchofjesuschrist.org/study/general-conference/2021/10/13cordon?lang=eng

art therapy

sometimes I want to create and be an artist 

and so I do, and I am

and I try not to judge

or think I don't know what I'm doing.

and instead, create something I enjoy

it's a little therapeutic.

 

"twins"

we have had Nora for one year.

she is anxious.

and has sad eyes

but is a great snuggler 

and sleeps on my feet

which I actually really like.

She makes me want to sing the song, "true colors'

so she stays

even though she ruined my couch

and chews up every pen in the house.

and Vivian loves her.

and kai does not

although I caught him sitting by her

and not minding it.

 

2022

I scheduled the alpenglobe at 8am thinking that we would start the new year off by going to breakfast before school and think of what we wanted to create in 2022!

I didn't realize there was no school that day. lol

So Viv and I got up early anyway and started our year off with some amazing hot chocolate 

and great company. 

Glad I have this girl. 

Couldn't convince the boys to join us on their last day of break but 

I'm glad I have them too.