how do you help kids feel good about themselves?
i remember going to a class when i was a kid and getting a pin that said, 'i like myself'....for some reason, i have always remembered this. it was a class on self-esteem. i want to help my kids create a good sense of self, self worth, self esteem, or whatever you want to call it.
i want them to be confident and believe in themselves.
when max was maybe three, he and kai were trying to get something off a really high top shelf. they were having trouble and then i heard max say, "kai, remember our family theme...'i can do hard?!'" max knew they could do it and they did. i always have felt that by helping my kids not shy away from hard things, they would feel good about themselves and it finally clicked when the elem school counselor sent home a paper on self efficacy.
since then, self efficacy is my new fave!!! if you want some interesting reading, study bandura and his self efficacy theory.
basically, self efficacy is better than "self esteem", because its the belief in one's self to be able accomplish difficult things. when you accomplish something hard, you gain more self efficacy and confidence in yourself and your abilities. i was so excited when i read this because it's something i felt for a long time, but this put it into words that really made sense!
anyway, we have had a few self efficacy talks lately and now when my kids do something difficult, i like to tell them they just gained more self efficacy and i knew they could do hard!
sadie came home from her violin lesson in tears. she recently started with a new teacher and she is more demanding and difficult than her previous teachers. sadie started just in time for the fall concert in the park, which meant that sadie had to memorize all the songs and the teacher asked her to play the guitar for the concert, and it was all to be learned in about a month. the week before the performance, her lesson was terrible. she still didn't have them memorized and she was completely discouraged. we talked about the options, but sadie decided to be determined and give it her all and not give up. she practiced extremely hard the week before the concert.
as i watched her perform in the park, i knew that back story and i was so proud of sadie. she faced her fear and worked hard and she did it. we were driving home and i asked her if she felt a little empowered...she said yes! yay!! more self efficacy!!!
kids need to be believe in themselves! they need to know they can make themselves do hard things. with so much garbage in the world today, they will need to be able to stand up for what is right and choose to do the right thing... and that can be hard!
so here is my shout out for self efficacy!!!
i can do hard
confidence in my ability
i matter
i can
and i will
make a difference.
so, way to go sadie! i love you and am so proud of you and your awesomeness. thanks for not giving up --you are so capable and you did difficult.
reminds me of a poem my mom used to say to me:
stick to a task
'til it sticks to you
beginners are many
finishers are few.
way to be a finisher.
