(a journal entry)
i knew at the beginning of the month that i had a lot on my plate...building a house, being pregnant, relief society, pta, getting kids where they need to be and prepared for whatever they were doing, and christmas....then i found out that we have to be out of our rental two weeks after christmas. our house won't be done until february so now moving and finding a place to live was added to the mix. suddenly it wasn't just christmas, it was christmas and a move. my heart rate went up. then i went to church and we have been so lucky to be in elder holland's home ward. he comes every once in a while and when he does, he usually speaks. this day he spoke briefly and gave everyone there an apostolic blessing. it was amazing. he blessed everyone to have a season of peace, angels, and wondering awe and reverence like the shepherds. he promised that those that had things in their lives that they were dealing with (marriages, finances, parents struggling-- and i can't remember the rest of the things he listed) he promised that things will get better. he said, "whatever you are facing, you will be equal to it."
i really loved it. i realized that many people were struggling with really hard things and i am grateful for the things on my plate, but nonetheless, it was a beautiful blessing and i looked forward to being equal to what i had to do and for peace and wondering awe. i am not going to lie, i was stressed. on christmas eve day i had a meltdown as i rushed to walmart for a few last minute things. i remember crying on the way thinking this is not wondering awe, this is crazy! it wasn't until i got to my mom's house that night for dinner that i relaxed. the kids did the nativity (max was a sheep and through the whole thing i could hear this quiet "baaaa" it was awesome). my brother taught about the atonement and it was in that moment that i felt the wondering awe that was promised. i will never forget it. i felt like here i am trying so hard to make my gifts so amazing and still falling short but the greatest gift was the baby jesus and the gift of the atonement. i felt like i was offering a penny and getting a thousand dollars in exchange. the atonement COVERS it all. i felt an awe and gratitude that calmed me. i had dave give me a blessing and he blessed me that i would be like the shepherds. they felt fear but then it was turned into testimony. he also said i am being prepared for what is ahead. i do feel heavenly help through all of this and i know as i watch it all unfold that my testimony has and will continue to grow. i know heavenly father keeps his promises and i was grateful for the promise of wondering awe this christmas. everyone needs to feel awe once in a while. it was a good christmas.
